I will not fall apart again!

Finally, I have sent you an email, I don't know what I am thinking is good or bad, to get rid for the feeling of missing you, I should learn to accept the who you gonna be, I prefer to understand you, knowing how are you getting on with the new life, rather than getting news from others. Didn't expect that you still remember the promise we both have made, I feel like crying, I don't know isn't working or not, the feeling is like, I am giving away something that is not 100% coming back to me, and you are asking me to keep the promise. What if everything changed?Human are selfish aren't they? They learned to protect themselves from being hurt, like you. What you did was just protecting yourself.It makes no difference. I know there are no more chances between us, and I will not giving us any. I got to....I don't know. Once I let you go, I know I am forever losing you. No point asking you back anymore. I can't take it as in you are fucking around with others, if you really want me back, this is not a barrier for us. But you have already choose it, no more return. Hope that you will be good, in turns, should be I have to be good. Seems like I am the one not living good. I dreamt about you anyway, guess is because I think of you too often, have to stop it.I have to take you just only friend, nothing beyond than this!
Poor English, how to improve it??!???!???My grammar messing here and there!FUCK!I don't know what happened, will I fail my ENL?holly shit!That will be the most horrific thing happen to me if I really fail it!