Speechless!

I don't know why I cried when i read your sms last night, you told me how much you miss me, how much you love me, how bad you are feeling! But i can't do anything. I mean, we both can't do anything though. I really wish to go back to the past, how much i miss those moment we were together. How much i wish i need not to go to US. but why can't you just wait for me? Why you wanna choose to break up and come back again? What is the reason to struggle so hard and get rid of each other but end up back to square one? I really hope i'm by your side. But, something just stop me from going back to you. That is, everything will be repeating again, worst scenario. The day you see i'm leaving. so why you wanna come back? I'm really speechless about us. Really love you a lot! But ....how bad we both feeling right now. Who else will know? Guess just only we both know it....

Confussion!

Oh darling, I don't know what had happended to you. Alan! Since when you become so fragile? Started to send me msg in such a way, no solution still. I thought u are a very determine person, when you know what to do, you know what is right to do for you, you will never struggle again! Why you started to become like that? I guess i shouldn't find you right? shouldn't keep contact with you. I know if someday you found out that I was once with FHM, guess you will be crazy! And i seriously don't know what happend to me, I don't know why i was with this guy before! Mistake Mistake! Oh gosh! I am so regret!
I know I'm now such a bitch started to mess up with love life! I really starting to blame you, because you broke up with me, if not, i will still love you till the max! this is a way to make me feel comfort? Dur.....I really wish that i can still love you, but i don't want this thing repeat over over and over again! Am i moving forward? Who the hell will know? Even myself also don't know! What do you think you know?
Are you getting jealous over kopi? do you think that he always report your stuff to me? He did nothing! don't worry k? And i seriously don't know how are you going on, can you please let me know? just tell me how's your recent life! do you think you will reply me? lol! no idea!
Lim chee hou, why my blog need to write specific name when talking about guySsss? is like at the same period, these ppl still turning around !OMG!I don't like going out with you, with your other friends along, i mean, we both pak tor, why must two couples together pak tor?sien nia!!!!And, I'm quite care that if i'm out with your friend, they are so young, i'm so mature! haK! Age ain't problem! Right Right Right? but i don't want ppl to look at me like one kind! very embarrassing!I do mind how ppl think of me!
I want a lomo camera! sob sob!

What the heCk?

What is the your problem if I'm having a new bf? You just treated me in such a rude way!Do you know that? Me and you are over, is a mistake that i go out with you! Definately a mistake that i fuck my life up cause of you! Idiot!

Happy Valentine!

Wow, I was trying to use chinese to write this blog, but, after few minutes only type within 10 words,OMG!!
Happy valentine! This is the first valentine I have celebrated after so long. Alan don't really celebrated it with me last year, he said it is still a normal day for a couple. Is lame, he did celebrated with me when we both were still in the "high peak", the first 2 years, form 4 and form 5. Sweet!! But, I'm 21 now, you will never want to have this at your age!It is a experience you had through out your teenage life!I'm regret throwing away the first valentine gift you gave, the handmade diary, and the second year, was the flower and our very first night!oUcH!!I wonder where have I put the picture you drew during end of our form 3 year, the pic of mine!Chee hou reminds me!
I shouldn't just talk about you anyway!I have moved forward! Lim Chee Hou, new BEE? Haha, i feel better calling you Bee than calling FHM. He is nothing!WOW!That sounds hurt to him! Ok!Stop comparing! Cyrstal, you gave me! is a purple one, which means, good luck in studies! Thanks baby! I really appreciate it! You always make me feel like, you love me more than i love you? Those move you had made, like giving out present, blah blah blah! Was the things I will do during your age! Ok, nicole, stop telling yourself that you are older than this little guy! You should have learn how to put "age" aside!and think what you really need right now!
But what really I need? This first time i don't feel like bothering what will happend in the future! Which means, I don't really think of our future! Suddenly changed thought? Be happy for right now! And don't think too much about tomorrow! You just pointed the issue here, I am those who loves to think too much about the future! I guess I am!But right now, I will not! Don't put too much hope on it, on everything! Have a goal, enough! Don't think like a little kid anymore! New year, new inspiration! New hope! New start! KambaTeH!

Happening new year!?!?

Moving forward, am I consider as moving forward now? I scare i will really fall in love with you lim chee hou. but i scare i will need to suffer when i leave. Too many things to worry about, or, I'm taking too many things to worry for. Looking at you, I feel that i cant click with you, but I think we both can work it out. U are so good, arH....same things i say to FHM. But he is annoying! I like your outgoing character.... Just like it! I don't want dummiesss....Is a mistake to that inciddent happended that night in the car? I don't know should i or shouldn't? ArHh.....Libran, finding balancing point again! Done something then only think shouldn't i! But we did it!!! I don't know how are you thinking about me, you just didn't show much love when u are with your friends.....Zhong zi i don't know how to describe the feeling, insecure one word! But this is what usually happened to me. which when i really fall to some one, the feeling is the same? We will see, what up next!Cause i always change!i know!!!!

Messy love life!

Enjoy kissing? Enjoy fucking? What the fuck is happening to me? Simply just kiss someone! And didn't think of the consequences? What the heck!!!!
FHM, just endded, and now comes LCH! And my mind is all about ALCL!fuck fuck fuck!I'm going to exploit! Seriously!I don't wish to go to US now, I just wanna do things i like right now, I don't wanna think of giving hope in the future, no faith!Not even a little!I'm just...... Stuck again again and again, stationary, don't know where to go, should i just be a rock hearted girl, don't fuck care of anyone? To good in flirting? Or it is a bad thing? I really miss him, for his everything, and he told me there is no way that we will back together, right now! I knew it better than anyone else! But u are better in controlling yourself, your emotion and your move! I guess I am not!Which i know this will be a problem in the future, if i keep doing this!dude!change change change!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!