Move forward!

Move forward, don't look back !!!! we have nothing much to do, we just can wait what will happen in the future! I'm speechless already! Be good, be happy!

CowarD!

You idiot coward!Why you wanna tell me you still miss me?Come on, the main reason that makes you feel like telling me, is because you are alone right now, things happened around you, and you can't find anyone to talk to. Your friends?Not close enough. Do you think you really miss me? scare to see me?your empty soul?Hell not, how much i wish i can talk to you, to see you, to msg you. But end up, i don't know what I can say!Why you wanna come back to me? why why are you telling me these? You just make me stuck again. I thought i have already recover, why why why!!!!I seriously hate you, you really make me feel bad!damn bad!Fucking bad!i really hate this, both of us, the relationship!i'm seriously speechless to you. how much i hope i can still hold you tight, but this is all dream! coward! you dare not to tell me shut up and fuck off, i wish u do that to me. make me hate you, please!say u don't wanna be friend with me!
Do you ever think that, if you die tomorrow? what is the thing that you regretted the most? regret telling me things u said past few nights? i really wish that i can share things around you, your tense maybe, your problems. you just don't even give me the chance.now, slaughter me straight, hate me till the max! don't make me miss you anymore! i beg you, do whatever u can to make me hate u!

Guilt~~

OK!I don't really feel good when you don't wanna talk to me like we used to be. But we've got to do this, to avoid meeting each other that often. I know it is hard for you to let me go, if we still meeting each other, things wil be worst. And, I'm kinda shock when you kissed me, I don't expect you will still do that. I'm just sorry, don't make me feel guilty, you know I don't like to feel sorry to people. I will rather ask you to hurt me instead you are being hurt. Somehow, I can really take you as a very good friend. Like yee huang and me, guess this is the reason: "I don't really love , fall to you", and I can easily let you go. Totally thinking of Alan, I don't think is good for we both to meet up, I am not sure I will be ok to meet you up. Which I know I will fall back to you. Just can't get rid of this feeling. I need to stay focus on my study, come on! Wasted too much money, got to pay back already! Is time to work it out!KampateH!

IDIOT!SAN!

I'm not sure should I tell you these, but I guess it is better to email you, somehow, I don't know when is the day. Am I getting too emo today? Or there are really things in my head that made me treat you in such a way?
Reading back the blog i posted last few days, compare to now, I don't know why the feeling is totally different. From the so call "trying you out", to "giving you up"! I guess during the time I told you I wanna break up, I did tell you I don't mind Alan get mad on us. Actually I do, I know I'm silly, I feel like going back with him, if we have the chance. I don't know why I will have this feeling. Maybe i started to compare you and him, which I know I shouldn't. You can consider as the 2nd bf of mine, I think I need to learn stop comparing with the previous bf i had. But first love to me is really deep in my mind. I can remember every single things in my head, but I can't recall anything about us before we both started. He-aL still in my mind of course. Is just that I know I need to give him up.supressing this feeling.
We both are from different world, do you think as what I'm thinking?Whatever you said, you can't make me feel extremely happy, I don't really feel happy, I laugh or smile, is just a way to express, reply to you. It doesn't mean you are really making me happy. Indirectly, can I say it as insecure?
Second, I'm a talkactive person in the crowd, but you are always the one remain silence. I can't get use to this kind of bf, he can't share jokes around with friends when the gf is around. But when we both are one to one, you start crapping which irritates me a lot. I just dare not to hurt you.I don't know how you classify as childish. Maybe your defination and mine is totally different.
Third, I like doing things fast, and you are way too slow. I can't recall how many times i spent to wait for you. Driving, bathing, etc!Ok, maybe I shouldn't say it like that. In other words, I should tell you that, I'm kinda like selfish, I wanna make use of my time, according to the plan i have already set before everything.
What is so wrong with me? Or I really can't commit myself into any relationship yet? Ah mo is true, the one treating you good, doesn't mean the one you love the most. I fall to you because you are treating me so good, and it has no harm to be with you. But we both just can't click do we? Maybe you think that we are, but i'm just......I don't have the feeling of falling in love with you! My heart don't pump fast when i see you, i don't feeling to see you although after days we didn't meet. When i'm with you i feel like going home. WHAT THE FUCK NICOLE SUN SIEW DIN!

I just can't say it!

I just can't say it. And when I took the courage to tell you I wanna be back friend with you, FHM, u beg me to wait till 12 midnight. I'm too soft hearted, and you are too kind to me, that I dare not to say no to you again. I do feel bad when I'm with you, to continue the relationship with you, there are too many things we need to consider. You told me you don't care about Alan, your friendship with him. But I guess I'm the one cares about it. I'm not worrying that he will get mad on us, that is definately gonna happen someday. You and him were friend since kindergarden or primary am I right? I just don't wish to be the one who spoilt everything. If I'm no longer with you, you will just sacrify this friendship. Of course I wish that I'm always have this chance to be with you. I do feel like "trying you out", you are worth for me to fall to. Although I'm leaving to US, although I can't tell you what will happend in the future, but I do fall to you. I just like talking to you, you don't make me feel tense, compare to the past relationship i had, i feel comfortable with you. We can just say everything, and, I start to appreciate everything you do to me. thanks my dear. You always say things to make me feel better, I hope everything is true, I don't wish that you will lie to me, you know is hurt to know that someone you love just use you. I did experience it!

Should I?

I guess is all because of your sms, and you seriously woke me up!That i can't bear this responsible to be with FHM anymore.I mean is so unfair to him, that i am still in love with you?I guess!I'm not!I hope!
The problem is here, I don't think, i don't give any big hope over this relationship with FHM, but I don't wish to scew up the friendship between you all. I hope I don't, I hate fight!Maybe I'm thinking too much, it may not be that bad, or am I just thinking too much?

I just can't imagine that I was in love with you so much!ALAN!
Am I still the same?We had too many memories to keep!Looking back those blog I posted!I feel like I'm back to that moment when I was in Penang with you. I really miss you! And miss it! Maybe is missing the memories! I just can't imagine I can hold another guy in my arm, and my head is all our memories, I will keep thinking things we did and compare with the recent things i did with this so call ANOTHER guy!Oh gosh!

Confusion!

Is these all mistakes? I mean, I've chose to date with you, which I don't really have that feeling to be with you. I just don't know why I will just say yes to you. Is it because both of us are not good in saying no? weak in refuse? Do you really have this feeling with me? And, do I really have the feeling with you? I don't know why I will tell you I'm ready for you the other day night, which I'm so sure that I'm not ready to commit to anyone yet. As larrie said:"just fuck around only!" ya, maybe I will just fuck around first. Things here, I'm not sure if alan found out we both, we will be dead. I have no problem with him, the problem will just occur between you and your friends. Is it worth to fight because of me? I mean I will be the one skewing up all these, yet, I might leave you. What is the reason to tell them if we don't think we can last, I mean, I don't think we can last. Where's my head gone?I'm just so confuse with our relationship. Is alan the one I love the most?Why am I having this hard time to start a new relationship? Or it is because I'm leaving, and I don't wanna commit?
Women, will only hear from one side, they will never be optimistic, they will think to the worst case when it comes to things to do with affairs and loves, relationship. Am I right? I guess so! So why am I so worry? I can just don't care about it, just be as normal as I can, right? You are good, seriously, I mean you have this open minded. But one thing i don't like, you like disturbing me. No matter how, sometimes you embarrass me with touching my butt. haK!I am not sure do you mean it or you don't. But I have this feeling that, you have somethings more that I'm not sure I know about it. Or you just try to pretend like you are a good one? Seriously, I'm not ready to have sex with you, even kissing you, sometimes I will have to think twice for doing it. Ain't like last time, I was so desperate with these. But now.....Or just because we both just started? Hope this is the reason!

Am I fucked?I don't know how to describe these feeling when being with you.It doesn't give me this heart pumping fast feeling.I don't feel like I'm in love.But i don't know why I will just go with u.Partly reason is because i am afraid to love again?i am leaving?I don't....Or i am not wishing to commit with anyone else.And seriously you don't give me this feeling of....u know, that kinda feeling!Like alan gave me.Am i comparing?I hope I am not...Maybe I not yet get rid of alan, or maybe i am searching for another alan?
I don't know I don't know, there are a lot question marks on my head!And I don't know how to let you know if i wanna choose to give up.It seems so unfair to u, but I don't feel though to lie to u if i have tried hard to love u, but just cant!You are good, caring, innocent, smart!Haha!Just, too concern about me ~~I can't take it!