Confusion!

Is these all mistakes? I mean, I've chose to date with you, which I don't really have that feeling to be with you. I just don't know why I will just say yes to you. Is it because both of us are not good in saying no? weak in refuse? Do you really have this feeling with me? And, do I really have the feeling with you? I don't know why I will tell you I'm ready for you the other day night, which I'm so sure that I'm not ready to commit to anyone yet. As larrie said:"just fuck around only!" ya, maybe I will just fuck around first. Things here, I'm not sure if alan found out we both, we will be dead. I have no problem with him, the problem will just occur between you and your friends. Is it worth to fight because of me? I mean I will be the one skewing up all these, yet, I might leave you. What is the reason to tell them if we don't think we can last, I mean, I don't think we can last. Where's my head gone?I'm just so confuse with our relationship. Is alan the one I love the most?Why am I having this hard time to start a new relationship? Or it is because I'm leaving, and I don't wanna commit?
Women, will only hear from one side, they will never be optimistic, they will think to the worst case when it comes to things to do with affairs and loves, relationship. Am I right? I guess so! So why am I so worry? I can just don't care about it, just be as normal as I can, right? You are good, seriously, I mean you have this open minded. But one thing i don't like, you like disturbing me. No matter how, sometimes you embarrass me with touching my butt. haK!I am not sure do you mean it or you don't. But I have this feeling that, you have somethings more that I'm not sure I know about it. Or you just try to pretend like you are a good one? Seriously, I'm not ready to have sex with you, even kissing you, sometimes I will have to think twice for doing it. Ain't like last time, I was so desperate with these. But now.....Or just because we both just started? Hope this is the reason!