Self Improvement needed!

Oh dear!What is happening to me?I am getting so depressed because i kept looking down on myself.Feeling helpless, with the character I am right now!The problems here, i started to realise that i am getting so weak in managing things, i can't do things right, i mean i can't handle things right, come on!Where am I?
Maybe this is me, and i do not know it but now. Keep looking down on myself.Can't speak good english?Weak vocabulary?Can't write an good essay? Keep looking for dictionary even for easy words?Oh gosh!!!
Come on, i need someone to encourage me, to motivate me.Self improve is what I need!I have to do this!
Not blaming ownself for things you did wrong, or things you can't do. In fact, I should find solution to overcome these circumstances.Whatever circumstances!
The coming semester, I know i should do very well, but i don't wanna force myself too much, isn't that good to balance my stress?I don't know if i could do it better.But what i know is, i have the goal i need to achive.That is, to be good in everything!Not comparing with people, is just that i need to overcome myself!Toefl text, i getting so worried, because through the exercise i did on the net, i felt it is a tough task for me to complete!
Piano, when semester reopen, i know i will have a little time to practise.Oh, I shouldn't waste that rm280 do i?motivation!Self motivation is what i need!
But i know myself too well, i know i will just give the blank cheque!From today onwards!I must keep my promise!I got to!Be a better me!