Back with you, seriously have a great time when we both were back in Taiping. Those feeling are still fresh in mind, staying in your house, lepak at night. I do miss it.
I guess I have some mental problem, whenever I stay with other people, I don't feel that I belong to the place. Same goes to last time when I was with shy's mom, with my aunty, and now with my sister. Asking for their help will definitely my last choice. When they reject, I will gone crazy. That sounds crazy too. True, I don't feel grateful for what I have, I will always complain, and I will never appreciate it. I just want to go out for few hours piano practicing, but I have to go out for the whole day, early morning follow Ah Mo just to get the car. That's why I find something else to do while waiting to fetch her after the piano practice. Went to SP's house lepak. After that plan to go to Sri Petalling Pasar Malam.
Yeah, is my fault that I ask you along during the day, end up I did not plan to pick you up. My management problem, and I'm so lazy to explain. I don't know why, for what so ever I said, I feel like it's all excuses, you will never listen too. Why can't you be understanding and realize and figure out the whole situation? Is far to pick you up since I have no car. Initially I thought I'll be taking the Kelisa after sending Ah Mo home. But she has choir meeting and she just inform me in sudden.
I'm trying my best to meet you up. To listen to what happen to your day, your very first day training. And you just say you don't want to see me, ask me to shut up, stop asking. Alright, your ego-ness, is same with prem k? I can't share what is happen between we both to anyone. Alright, maybe I shouldn't tell sp anything about us. I will shut up. You don't want people to know about it. Then I listen to you. Do you hear me? that's the way you talk isn't? I wonder how long I can stand with these tunes. The way you talk to me.
Whenever it comes to argument, I will have this thought that we will break up, this is the thing forever in my mind, my head. And it is always the way we break up. It is a phobia to me. I will never want it to happen. Should I learn a better way to look at things? How should I deal with you, I guess I really need to find it out. We just got back within a week, fighting all coming.... I'm sick of it. I'm tired of asking for forgiveness, even sometimes, I will start loosing myself when asking for forgiveness. I realized, asking forgiveness from you is harder than anyone else. But over big problems, those that I know I should say sorry, you will forgive me easily. Touch wood! Did I ever get mad and need you to apologize to me? I don't remember is there any. Am I too understanding? Or I try to balance myself and think in your situation? Can you do that for me? I wonder!!
I really hope to hear you, share your experience with me, why everything turns up to be in this way? And that is why i throw my tantrum towards my sis last night. I need to find myself. started to think that I do not belong to any place. And I don't know why am I thinking in such a way. Talking to you, help me nothing. You are not showing any concern. I need to find myself again and start thinking, I'm silly to think in such a way? Fuck my life! I don't know what to appreciate! I really start hating myself. And I don't know who I should turn to... Obviously, you should be the right person, but.....
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